Current mood:

bang bang

-original mario brothers dying sound-

Sooooo, let's talk and start with business as usual. NO JOB YET, but I've pretty much dropped that crap due to the holidays and all, and just took it easy instead. I kinda sorta said I'd jump start myself come January, and I do intend to stick with that, by first, quitting that sweet marijuana yet again, just to clean my system out in case of any drug tests with any possible jobs. Dick heads think they have the right, alcohol is A-OK but no on that evil gate way to higher drugs marijuana, woooooOoO;

Anyway. I'm also planning to try to get my license in January since that would open up more doors with possible jobs, even though jobs are bare and barren all over the place. But I figure why not, since I have to renew my I don't know how many years old and kept up permit.

I need some sleep, you can't go on like this.
I tried countin' sheep, but there's one I always miss.
Everyone says I'm gettin' down too low.
Everyone says; "You just gotta let it go, you just gotta let it go."
I need some sleep, time to put thee old horse down.
I'm in too deep and the wheels keep spinnin' round.
Everyone says I'm gettin' down too low.
Everyone says; "You just gotta let it go, you just gotta let it go."
You just gotta let it go.
-Eels/I Need Some Sleep

So for some months now, I may or may have not mentioned it on here, but I've been trying to venture into this internet money making business. I know of a lot more than most, that this stuff actually exists and big bank can be made from it, more than any of you would even imagine, but that's not the hard part, not at all, it's all about the methods and who you know. It's probably not looked upon as a good thing either cuz it would have to involve "illegal" type of activities(unless you have money to spend to make money, it can work both ways), like SPAM for example...but of course you'd be mad for getting spam messages and not making a dollar off of it, while others out there bank 1,000.-20,000.+ a month from it. I've been keeping up with that with trying my own shit without anyone's real help, 'cept some brain storming with a couple of friends, just trial and error and fucking with some shit and reading and etc. I've had some success in the month of December, a lot of trial and error and figuring things out, but I've managed to make about 300.00 from the Internets which I'm still waiting on to see if it pulls through since I know I fucked up with something along the way, but will still wait and see if I get paid, but I know what not to do now, regardless. So, I'm gonna continue to pursue this with my free time for if and when I do get a job to pay off these bills, and even put some money into these little projects of mine to see where they can go if anywhere.
Next to my trying or attempting at all of this crap this month, I've also decided, if Tianna's mama gives me any shit like all I do is sit here all day and do nothin', I'm gonna bounce and move, that easy, no big deal.

Now the other kind of free time, not the mainly Call Of Duty World At War masturbation, but the hang out's and holidays and etc as far as I can remember.

Flood. I don't even recall when that was, but I know it was recent and anyone from Hawaii whom reads this will know. That shit was so random and awesome, various places on this island was drowning in foots worth of water. I recall driving out to thee old beach like a day after the main flooding stopped to see some destruction out of random boredom, shit was ugly as expected, got some pics of that;








I recall my cousin Alfredo coming over one day to kill some time since his lady, Eva, had to do somethin' in a city close by. Just chilled for some hours, playing video games and chit chatting.
I recall picking up Chadd one night to just chill. We smoked out, played games, didn't achieve much of anything but just good old chillin'. This potent lethal weed I picked up, puts everyone right into a comatose mixture of phasing out and sleeping state, awesome.

During the Christmas week, Tianna and the fam left to California, so I was home alone for a week, just had to watch over the dog. Dropped them off at the airport, chilled for a couple of days and just straight up lamped and walked around naked. Since I don't really make solid plans, I had semi figured that I'd be hanging out with a few different ladies over the course of this one week. It didn't quite go that way, though. I ended up only hanging out with Ashlynn, after missing multiple other days beforehand when we were supposed to hang out. But finally we got a day going, I met her at her job, followed her back to her place which is ON BASE, and oh boy, I was so fucking worried about this from the get go since I don't have my license and I couldn't for the fucking life of me remember what the dick heads in the guard shack would ask for. Ashlynn thought it would be cool...but here we go, we pull up to the guard shack, she's in her own ride and I'm behind her, she explains to them what's up and I can hear the guards say; "Oh, we can't let him in if he doesn't have a military I.D, period, so we'll just have to U-turn out of here right here." So she spins around, I pull up, he asks for I.D, I give him my state I.D, he asks for a drivers license and I just kinda panic. I can't stand authority figures cuz I know they fucking judge me purely based on what I look like, I feel fucking black around authority figures. So I shuffle like I'm looking for a license and I say I don't have it on me...and the dude goes and checks the plates and stickers, and the other tough guy guard says; "DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE?" I say no, I don't have one. And he like flips off and walks into the shack angrily, like his wife just left him or something, comes back and starts giving me lip in a threatening manner that if I know it's illegal what I'm doing, and I reply back; "YEAH, I know it's illegal but I'm trying to help my friend out here." The other dude comes back and verifies that I don't have a license, he asks me why I lied to him, I reply; "I didn't lie to you, I just get nervous." He continues on and says not to lie to him ever again, asks me who owns the car and etc, gives me my I.D back, the other dude says; "I could be a prick and just call this in right now but I'm not, just U-turn and get out of here." So I happily did just that since I didn't get busted. So Ashlynn lead me to a parking lot near so she could go to her place and get some of her shit, while she went back in, she told me the dudes were VERY VERY nice and friendly to her, and they told her that she should stay away from guys like me cuz I'm a liar, and anything I told her, I was probably lying about it, and telling her that the car I was driving ain't even my car.
RANT
Fucking cock sucking faggots, ROFL at them trying to fuck up my "game" like they know me or somethin', I didn't and never lied about shit cuz I have no fucking need to. She knows enough otherwise she'd not fucking be there. But that's right, they can play their jobs all they want cuz it's their shitty fucking jobs, anywhere else, you fucking faggots, you'd have a pistol shoved in your face for your bullshit. Bitch ass faggots who can't even get laid.
CONTINUE
So she comes back and meets me and apologizes like mad cuz I was already telling her about this kinda crap before hand. She follows me back to my place, we chill, we get high, we watch flicks, we get busy. I don't think I'm too comfortable with fucking people I just met or just truly hung out with for the first time, much less it being prolonged with the whole NEW FIRST TIME type of things, cuz hours and hours go by and I'm hungry and I'm not eating and I'm tired and it's fucking early in SOME AM time. SO, I managed to have a bit of trouble like I've previously talked about with other gals. That's right, I could not get it up or maintain and erection. I do not know how this works at all, but I'm going with what I just covered cuz it has to be, some nights I can jerk off of a few times alone, or sex a couple of nuts, but almost always once on the daily. As far as I know and as far as she shared with me, regardless, she still had a good time since when I did get my soldier up and about after some dick suckin' cuz I loves me that shit, I managed to make her cum 4 times. It started slow at first on the couch with my molesting and groping for fun, and eventually got a bit more heated with going down into her pants, to removing 'em, to eating her out and fingering her, jerking off, having her jerk me off, then having her blow me, then having her pulled out to the corner of this lowered fucked position couch thing where I rammed her ass into. She jerked me and sucked me on the ground some, I got up and gave her the doggy style treatment, then got her back on the couch, I was fucking exhausted from it being so early in the AM and not having eaten anything for hours, but I still put in some hard work. Now after all of this, I didn't even get mine, after she got hers, I just kinda stopped, I felt too tired and worn out. She was willing to do more to make me bust, but I was just kinda like BLAH, and tried to go to sleep in the other room in the bed whle she crashed on the couch thing.



So after barely sleeping too much, I was up, I took a shower cuz I felt gritty as fuck, then I went back to sleep. I woke up and Ashlynn was up, we just kinda chilled and lounged around for a while. I felt much better having slept some and then eating, I wanted to bust my nut then but she was GOOD as far as the sex part went and didn't feel like giving me a BJ, fucking bummer I tell ya, but whatever, nothin' I can't jerk off to anyway, which I did as soon as she left as night fall started to come again.

You still love me? Take this, you ready? One, two, three!
Cuz the more you put me through, the more it makes me wanna come back to you. You say you hate me, I just love you more, you don't want me, I just want you more. I buy you flowers, you throw 'em at me, I know it's sad but it's making me happy. The more that you slap me, the more that it turns me on cuz you love me and I love you more.
It's sick, but who could ever predict we'd be doin' the same shit? We say we do it for our baby but we don't, we do it for us, it's lust, cuz neither one of us trusts each other so we fuck till we bust, till we cuss each other out. We know what it's about, shout till I throw you out the house, you throw me out the house, I throw you on the couch, punch you in the mouth, we fist fight till we turn this mother out and apologize after, laughter, pain, it's insane, we're back in the same chapter again and it's sad but it's true, when I'm laying here with you, there ain't nothin' anyone could ever say or ever do, cuz;
Cuz I hate you, do you hate me? Good, cuz you're so fuckin' beautiful when you're angry. It makes me wanna just take you and just throw you on the bed and fuck you like I don't even know you. You FUCK other people and I FUCK other people, you're a SLUT, but I'm equal, I'm a MUTT, we're both evil in our ways but neither one of us would ever admit it cuz one of us would have one up on the other, so forget it. We can make accusations, people spread rumors, but they ain't got proof, till they do, it's just the two of us, it's you and me. Cuz any chick can say that she's screwin' me, but you gotta believe me to a degree, cuz true indeed, if you didn't, I wouldn't be hittin', yeah I would, cuz the sex is too damn good. If I ran, who would I run to that would be this soft and warm? So it's off and on, usually more off than on, but at least we know that, we share this common bond, you're the only one I can fuck without a condom on. I hope the only reason that I cope is cuz of that fact and plus, I can bust in that, and that's why;
I can never understand it, that's why I don't try from junior high until we both die, it's silly, oh why must we try? Is it really so rough that we must always call each others Billy Goat's Gruff, try to pull each others legs until the other begs. We're lying to ourself, that's the beauty of it, yeah, cuz we truly love each other, that's why we always fight and all we do is shove each other every other fuckin' night and it's clear, it ain't gonna change, this pinned up rage we both have, we both feel like we've been upstaged by someone else, we both been someone else's someone else. The problem is neither one wants help, it's an addiction and it can't be fixed, our family's mixed up, there's a baby sister in the mix and it hurts cuz the pieces to the puzzle don't fit and anybody who thinks they knows us doesn't know shit. And they're probably just tired of hearing it all the time on every song, every lyric and every rhyme, all the hoopla, all of the woopty woo, what you put me through, fuckin' woopty do. But I won't be made a fool of, if this is true love, you wouldn't do what you did last time, you wouldn't screw up, this time, cuz this time girl, I'm tellin' you what, you do it again, I'm fuckin' you up.
No matter What you say, what you do, I'ma hunt you down till I find you. No matter where you run, I'll be right there, right behind you in your nightmares. So much for them flowers and the candy, all the times that you threw it back at me. You told me you hate me, you gon' hate me more when you find out you can't escape me whore.
-Eminem/Love You More

I didn't see Chloe that week like I had supposed to since on the picked day, she ended up doin' somethin' else and never got back to me the next day, in which I had some shit to do and take care of. I kept the place really clean cuz that's just how I am, and the dog wasn't much trouble at all. I gave her walks, and played with her a bunch, cleaned up after her and what not, but it wasn't a big deal at all. I didn't end up calling another friend either for a hang out cuz I just didn't feel like it and got lost in my own computer/gaming shit.
Christmas was upon me, I barely even remembered when or what day Christmas was on till just that week--but I drove out to the parents' place and took the bitch with me. Us poor folks don't get to have Christmas dinner this year, they could not afford it, but they spent most of their little money on the kids anyway, so whatever. I chilled there the whole day on the computer, saw my sisters kids when they came by to pick up and open their presents. My mom felt bad and was trying to scrape whatever she had to at least buy something out to eat, so I talked with my dad and asked if he wanted to treat the three of us to something, which ended up being Chinese food which was great. Yeah, that's how it is with them nowadays, manage their own moneys but live in the same house like ghosts whom don't even know each other anymore, or one does and the other doesn't, rather.
STOP
My dad had contacted me some time during the months just to vent, something that he doesn't do, which I got him to share with cunning curiosity, of which he was telling me he suspects that his wife, my mom, is cheating on him or is going to leave him. He said he knows that I, and my twin sister have told him shit before very bluntly about their "marriage" and "relationship" and I tried to explain to him yet again that their "marriage" and "relationship" had been over a long time ago. Just talked about their problems, the variables, the possibilities, what is and what isn't, regardless of how another person is going to act, and just kinda fathomed and explained based on my experiences and understanding...which I'm afraid is by far greater than his cuz he just can't accept the simple truth. I know my mom, and I know she can be a cold hearted bitch who would rather someone "GET IT" by actions and not with words, or like a lot of women in my opinion, expecting men to be psychic and shit when they really should just be saying it. I think my mom might have told him shit before, but he just wasn't getting it, but still. The truth is, well I laughed at the idea of my mom seeing someone else and told him that I highly doubt that...but I knew my mom was going to leave or move out eventually, that's not hard to know or see...but I didn't mention that part, cuz I knew it for a fact from my mom, but that's their problem, not mine. I just told my dad to expect it already, or otherwise he should just up and leave. Silly, silly humans.
CONTINUE

I left once night fall came, the dog seemed to have enjoyed herself as well with doing and seeing new things.
For my remaining days of freedom on Christmas night until that Saturday, I didn't really feel like doing anything or seeing anyone, so I did just that. I talked to Tianna some from time to time across the week, she had wanted to come back sooner since her trip, or their trip, turned into an abomination of drama and missing flights and luggage being shipped and plans not falling through and just crap crap crap, but it would've been super expensive and she just stuck it out and supposedly it wasn't that bad.
Sunday night as I recall it was when the lights went out, way to fuck up my movie watching date with The Poughkeepsie Tapes

And everything else for that matter. Luckily, my food had literally just got done heating up before the lights went out. I set up a couple of candles, had mad trouble trying to find a working flashlight and worked with some broken one, including my phone's flash light. I basically sat up for hours, getting high, playing on the DS, listening to music, just trippin' myself out in the dark until I passed out and woke the next morning to find everything being on, great.
I picked them up Saturday night from the airport, I was pretty horny since I hadn't fiddled with myself the day before, as was Tianna since it was more than a week...so in the back seat of an SUV type, with her mom driving right up front and her sister in the passenger, she was rubbing my dick some through my shorts. I can't believe I did this, but I had managed to slip my cock out and used my hat to shield the side of Tianna's head just in case any of them looked back, it'd look like she was just sleeping on me, but she was straight up blowing me. Couldn't finish until we got home, then the great sex of course happened.
I had to take care of some finger printing BS for some child care services as a favor to my mom/sisters friend to give them a helping hand with whatever, which I've been dealing with these state slow fucking assholes for a month, some early morning in the following week after Christmas and decided to go to the Beach with Tianna during, which ended up being shitty cuz it was just an overall ugly and cold day...if only it would have rained really hard, I would have swam then.

Yeah it's over, you can bet in mid october, I will still be ranting 'bout most early may. Yeah he's a winner, he's a god damn sinner while he dines I'm on the wrong side of the day. And I said; "I don't understand why I'm fumbling after."You're the reason I cannot forget this season or the letter when you first referred to it. And I said; "It's all calypso, but it's not easy to know." You walk around with your shoulders down, frownin', it's not easy to know." Yeah, you're the reason I cannot forget this season or the lesson how an ape shall not kill ape. It's just the tango, but it's not easy to show. I walk around with my horns out now, it's not easy to know. I'm, I'm, I'm going under. You can't trust a man who's a governor, ape can't trust man, you can't trust a man with a gun at all. Ape can't trust me, you can't trust me. How could you heal if you don't ease back the blame? Knowing you're right, won't you heal?
-Glassjaw/Ape Dos Mil

New Years, so this is the New Year and I don't feel any different, I have no resolutions for self assigned penance, for problems with easy solutions. I didn't make any type of plans for shit until late New Years Eve when I had gotten a message from Chadd asking me what I was gonna be up to. I figured I'd go for a drive down to the beach with Tianna in the night to burn some of these old fire works that I had from the 4th or the previous New Years, I don't even know, and to shoot off my gun and what not. I was talking to Chloe during the day and we were talking about what we were gonna do, so I had asked her if she wanted to, she could tag right on along with us if she didn't have anything better to do, which she agreed to, actually. I asked Chadd if he wanted to join on in after he got out of work, but he declined since he was getting out of a 13 hour shift or whatever other reasons, sucks. So within the time frame, ended up getting a tank of gas, Tianna paid for some burning logs, Chloe came later that night and got fucking lost in the city in which we had to go hunt for her retarded ass in the smokey silent hill-ish ghost town of the suburbs around 10:30 or so. Introduced Tianna and Chloe to each other, dropped her car off, brought her shit into the car, and off we were. Chloe was fucking smashed on all types of drugs, I could see it in her face, but she was on a roll that night with keeping us all laughing the whole night. She brought her little black bunny with her as well, little shit. I drove the bitches out all the way to the end of the island, found a nice spot on the sandy empty beach, I set up a little bonfire in the sand with the non stop heavy blowing wind. Chloe and Tianna chatted up a bunch about, I don't know, whatever females talk about, recipes and etc, hahaha, just kidding, but yeah. I popped some fireworks, Tianna did the most I guess, I ran around with the gas tank and found things to burn, ran a nice stream of fire down the beach into the ocean, tried to make flaming pit designs of some kind which failed horribly. It rained also which had us covering at the life guard shack for a bit. We left shortly after that, we all got high in the car, drove up to the mountain to give Chloe the orgasm she's always wanted, that of firing a real gun since it's been one of her latest obsessions. I was gonna do this on the beach, but the beach I wanted to go to, the gate wasn't open for some unknown reason, Nazi's. We got to a nice spot, I quickly taught her wasted ass how to hold a gun and AIM and safety, to just shoot at nothing towards the mountain to get a realistic feel, no ear plugs or any of that shit. She gave it a nice two shots and said it wasn't that bad, and I said it's probably cuz she has strong/good hands due to massaging. I took the gun back and emptied the rest of the clip at some tree's for the fuck of it, we bounced.
Long drive to the nearest city with Jack In The Box whom had the biggest fucking line ever, but we just stuck it out, ate in the parking lot, drove back home, everyone showered, chilled, gamed, movied, got high, talked, etc. Both gals dressed up in school girl outfits, so that was nice to see, too bad nothin' didn't happen like I would have wanted it to, though, haha. Chloe has brought in so much shit, that girl was scattered all over the place with shit and just her jittery ass self with disappearing out to her car for a while and coming back and just straight up dazed, both days she stayed over. Both ladies ended up passing out before I did, and I just left them there and went to sleep in another room. The next day was a whole lotta nothin', just plain old chillin' and talkin', from in the room to outside to seeing Chloe's house in her car. She ended up giving Tianna a cheap long massage as well while movies played--the bitch kept locking me out of my room whenever I went to take a piss, cunt. Her bunny just chilled and shitted all over my room, but I didn't mind it much since rabbit shit ain't no thang to easily clean up, little bastard. She left early in the AM the next day at like 4am. I slept and woke and cleaned up my bloody room, now it's beautiful again, the end. Pictures and video's;

















Here's my phone's most updated and tweaked interface;


A city full of people and my favorite is that waitress and she treats me like some type of common vagrant. I see her everyday, but there's nothin' to say unless I decide to step inside of that cafe. I only get to sit if I buy somethin' to eat, otherwise it's best to keep my feet movin' down that street. And god damn, she's a hard bitch, she talks at me like I'm the bad dog that got into the garbage. Yeah, I know that the toilet is for customers, you ain't gotta tangle up the strings that make this puppet work. It doesn't have to be a game of patty cake, but it ain't like you don't know I sleep in that alleyway. And by the way, I can see it in your eyes, you're angry with your life, not a stranger to the fight. I bet you hate every man that you date and you're probably addicted to all types of escape. You take it out on me that you're all alone when you know you got your own closet full of hollow bones. Watch the tone when you speak to old folks, I'm grown, just tryin' to get outta this Minnesota cold.

Look lady, I'm homeless, I'm crazy, I'm so hopeless, I'm suicidal daily. If you and I can't coexist, let's fake it, cuz I ain't got the energy it takes for this relationship.

I'm waitin' for a city bus to flatten me and transport me to the ever after happily. Maybe reincarnated with luck, come back to Earth as a cockroach in your tip cup. She said she's had it up to here, she's gonna call authorities if I don't disappear. I love her threats, it rejuvenates my breath, I give her stress for the reaction that it gets. I got a pocket full of clean handled money on a cup of bad coffee and a stale honey bun. In front of everyone, she calls me bum, but she notices my absence on them afternoons I don't come. So here I am, thorn in her hip, holding down the corner table all morning with some corn chips. Ignoring the insults and evil eyes, I feed off of 'em, I wonder when she'll realize that she's the only reason I visit, the only woman in my world that acknowledges my existence. And if my ship ever comes, I'll miss it because I'm gettin' old and I ain't got much left to give it. So there it is and I have to live with it, I had the chance to make a difference, but I didn't. In the cafe bathroom drinking free tap water, thinkin', damn, I should've been a better father to my daughter.

-Atmosphere/The Waitress