Current mood:	O.K
Current music:	Oldboy - Cries And Whispers

Till then, just sit your drunk ass on that fucking runway, hoe.

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it. I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted, I fell right through the cracks and now I'm trying to get back. Before the cool done run out, I'll be giving it my bestest and nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention, I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some. I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait, I'm yours. Well open up your mind and see like me, open up your plans and damn you're free, look into your heart and you'll find love love love. Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me, a'la, peaceful melody, it's our God forsaken right to be loved, love, loved, love, loved. So I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait, I'm sure, there's no need to complicate, our time is short, this is our fate, I'm yours. I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror and bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer, my breath fogged up the glass and so I drew a new face and laughed. I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons. It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue. Listen to the music of the moment and come and dance with me, the sky is yours.
-Jason Mraz/I'm Yours
^It's rare that I like songs out of my particular genre(s), but I dig this song.

Nothing too new regarding the personal since the previous--I mean, a few job apps here and there, but no real luck yet. I'm not really worried about it, I could probably get by a whole 'nother month without a job, not that I'd wanna stretch it that long cuz after that, well, I'll be out of moola. I'm not one for free loading or not paying rent, but I'd still feel bad and work out somethin', whether I get out and move back to the old ghetto home and spiral downwards from there, or work out something for when I do get a job. Bleh, not worried about it right now, can't be, will continue to look though. It's also worth noting that my sleeping habits have been absolute shit, sometimes, I don't even sleep anymore and I stay up till the sun comes up, it pisses me off cuz I hate that. So, I've resorted to drugging myself with nyquil if I need to be up early the next morning for anything, but nyquil next mornings aren't that pleasant either unless you get 10 hours of sleep.

Something out of the ordinary happened, pretty random at that. It's not often, or at all, that this kinda shit happens with me. I met someone from a forums that I go to, a uhh, "hacker" based type of forum, which is what makes it strange. For anyone who's heard of Miley Cyrus has probably heard of the Miley Cyrus hack with her scandalous photos being released to the inter-world. The person whom released it, did it through this particular forums which gave it a shit ton of hits, meaning new users jumping on board, whether temporary or staying. So I met this person from this new age wave because I had noticed the location being from Honolulu Hawaii, me being the curious one wondering who the fuck else is from Hawaii on this board, cuz it was no one else that I knew of, anyway. I messaged, we did a couple of those into an AIM conversation, and yeah, it was a real person, turns out this person was a SHE, and she was just sticking around for a bit cuz she's interested in hacking and is in love with the person who started the site, known as Bryce Case, or YTCRACKER, even though she'll decline to being a groupie(rofl) but it ain't hard to see the "nerd life" love.
But anyway, we chatted a bunch, I guess we just seem to click in ways and it's just cool like that, so after, or rather, on the second day of chatting with this broad about random whatevers, come late that night or early morning, around 2AM, we make a trade--a massage for weed. Turns out our dear friend who's name is Chloe, is a professional massage therapist--I've never had one of those before, probably cuz I'd never pay for one. Since I've been off the drug, I figure I get rid of whatever else I have left as I have been doing. This part alone is normally against me, I never meet someone from the net without knowing them longer, let alone two days, but I guess I was just, whatever, didn't care.
On a separate note, I once told Danny that there'd probably be one way that I'd smoke weed again, that is if I hung out with a new female and we got high, cuz, I just can't seem to resist that type of thing.
So that's what happened, after a month of shitty sobriety, I got hiiiigh.
REWIND
So I met her at the mall nearby, followed me back to my place. Beforehand she said she'd bring movies, cuz, she's a movie freak, straight down to the bone with quoting like her name was Tom. We watched Dewey Cox first since I've never seen it, fucking hilarious. Whilst doing so and before doing so, chatting here and there and in between, and I smoked a bowl, she rolled her's with tobacco. I can't quite remember if it was between the 2nd or 3rd movie where I began molesting her hair(already saw the other 2 movies so it didn't matter much, just for the laughs) and hair play turned into holding turned into laying down and--and I don't recall where the massage came in at, but it came in some where and was amazing. I recall laying face down on the ground at first, while a movie played, she massaged away, she has great hands, I'll get more to that later. After like, an hour or two of that shit with switching positions to hit different muscles and etc and feeling like a limp noodle of goodness, it was during another movie.
So I got this information later from her, apparently she wanted to jump my bones some hours ago after all the movies but didn't know how to approach it, and even casts blame on me cuz it's my "home turf" so I'm supposed to make the moves or something? Little did she know, Tom doesn't really make moves unless he's ascertained and probably by communication at that, just how I am, So I pretty much explained to her how I was during conversation, it came like so; Ya either wanna fuck or you don't, it's always the females choice, never mines." She hesitated, said yeah, and it began. It started from talking about something else that she said of which I can't recall and my getting horny from it and just stating I'd love to ram her right about now, rofl.
STOP
So Tianna sends me a text asking if she can hang out with us, also stating knowingly that it's awkward and all but she's just got nothing better to do...I thought it was stupid to ask considering I barely even know Chloe to begin with, but I wasn't going to blow her off anyway, I asked Chloe, and, gathering what I did so far about her, I knew it'd be extremely awkward for her as well...she didn't know what to say, but considering she wanted to fuck me, she didn't want a party, so I told Tianna NO, I mean hello. This is one of the reasons why I hate Tianna, most people wouldn't believe it, but she'll state and ascertain this herself that she's not really bothered by my fucking other females, it's her own insecurities with not having much friends--and when I hang out with "MY" friends in an alone basis, she further depresses herself cuz it makes her feel like a loser...I mean, way to trap yourself and make me feel bad, but I don't cuz it isn't my problem. I mean, what the fuck do you want me to do? You're too used to be stuck to my leg 24/7, get away from me sometimes, jesus. But that's not even it, most times, I don't mind her being around, if I'm into and doing my own thing, just don't fucking bug me.
CONTINUE
It began from laying on this broken couch that annoys the fuck out of my back. From feeling her up to giving her light bites to the side of her neck to getting on top and making out hard for a bit to me working down her body and giving nibbles all over and down to her inner thighs. Oh the sweet spot that makes men fold and grasps with control.
(I think I waited too long to write this, I'm unsure of what order things went in exactly)
I recall eating her out and her hands grinding my face in like some sorta pie eating contest, to fingering her with the two made men while doing so. I've already suckled on her tits some beforehand, she was if not all, practically naked. I stood up and she undid my belt and shorts as I helped, and she started to suck my cock to turn it's almost drying hard clay state into it's statue reformulating position. She pumped and jerked and sucked and slurped, I was ready to fuck her, so I got down, and pulled her little ass to the edge of the couch, AND, OH HELLO TOM;
Chloe: Condom!?
Tom: OH
Oh jeez, where are my manners? Rofl.


You told me; "I see you rise, but, it always falls." I see them come, I see them go. He said; "All things pass into the night" and I said; "Oh no, sir, I must say you're wrong. I must disagree, oh no sir, I must say you're wrong, won't you listen to me?" He told me; "I've seen it all before." I been there, I've seen my hopes and dreams lying all around. I've seen the sky just begin to fall. He said; "All things pass into the night." Goodbye horses, I'm flying over you, goodbye horses, I'm flying over you.
-Q Lazzarus/Goodbye Horses

Now I don't normally use condoms cuz I tend to fuck women I can trust...so I am NOT used to condoms and I don't like them, as I've so written before, but who doesn't, right? So I get a condom on there, and like, my dick is already starting to go limp practically, the lack of skin feeling due to the latex mixed with my nervousness of fucking a gal I hardly know, doesn't mix well, not to mention, I've not been stoned for a fucking month my mind is just WHOA AND BLAH, and also not to mention it was already day light into the next fucking day, so I was tired and already exhausted. But we managed anyway with my not fully hardened state as I'd call it, and got a lot of fuckin' done regardless. From banging her at the edge of the couch with her legs up and spread open, to flipping her over in doggy over the couch or with her kneeling down on one of 'em, to grabbing her hair, to grabbing her neck just a little bit...to feeling all over. She rode me on the ground some, I was already damned exhausted, took off the condom and blew me for a bit, I stood up while she blew me and jerked me, my legs were like, shaking and shit. I think the no food for hours was getting to me, but I didn't wanna stop anyway. So I sat down, though it took a while, she kept jerking and blowing, eventually I came and squirted all over into my under shirt since it was the only thing around. It was a pretty long fuck, but I gotta say she's got it down with that hand job skills, that massage shit pays off in more ways than just one.
Did I forget to mention that Chloe's only 4'11 and weighs like 90 lbs? Tom's like 6'2, so she's fucking smaaaaaaaaall, tiny little girl, but she's my age.

We watched more movies, I still couldn't sleep even though I was trying to, I may have been naked or in my under wear, she was topless, we laid around, at one point when I was resting my eye's, I swear I could feel her trying to molest me while I supposedly was trying to sleep. She was still horny, tried to finger her to death to make her cum, but my hand DIED OUT, she says she's one of those types that are pretty hard to cum. OH, just like Tianna, why can't all gals be multi-orgasmic freaks? Haha. I ate her out more while doing it and switching positions, always close but no cigar. I was feeling drained and just exhausted for being up for so long and just not eating anything, WHY DIDN'T I STOP AND EAT SOMETHING!? Just wasn't aware of time flying I guess. We smoked a bit more weed here and there, movies played. At this point, I was feeling sick, I was gonna send her home to continue this another time but she drugged up on her prescriptions and I wasn't gonna make her drive home then, so she passed out. I tried sleeping on the ground, but still couldn't, I ate some canned fruits and some bites of peanut granola bars, and lots of water, which made me feel better. She awoke some hours later, gave me another short massage on the ground, during, I turned around so she was on top, she grinded my dick awake and we went out for seconds. My cock was much harder this time around, condom and all, she rode me for quite a while with bouncing up and down like a jack hammer to grinding me like she was possessed and in need for the cure for the RAGE VIRUS, since, we were watching 28 Weeks Later when we started round two. To slow squatting strokes that felt damned good, had me wondering if we broke the condom or some shit so I had to check, haha. With her spitting and jerking to keep it lubed well and continuing, I came inside of her that way, retracted and got rid of the filled condom.
Not too long after that, I walked her out to her car where I had moved it some time during the day on the main road since I didn't know where else to move it. She penis grabbed me and said she'd fuck me later in which I said, maybe, and walked away flipping the middle finger in the blistering sun.

So now I had to go back in and find out what the fuck is Tianna's problem, stalking me when I went to move Chloe's car about if I'm gonna hang out with her all day and what is she(Tianna) gonna do with her free time like I'm her parent or some crap, like we had made plans or somethin' or like we ever do anything, I mean wtf? This bitch, I wanted to slap her, especially with my lacking sleep the way I was. So little did I know, she claims to have been mad from the night before when I told her to get out of my room cuz she always falls asleep in there, and I told her I needed private time which usually is referred to jerking off time. Now normally, Tianna, she goes to bed, but this time she called out and saying if I was gonna hang out with someone cuz she can tell and why don't I just tell her that?
Tom: Uhhh, FIRST OFF, I do not need to tell you SHIT nor is it for you to fucking question. THIS IS MY ROOM, I tell you to get out, you get the fuck out. If I wanted you to know, I'd fucking tell you, and I usually do AFTER the fact, you know this. However, I DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT like telling anyone anything if it hasn't happened yet. It wasn't a FOR SURE THING yet that we were going to hang out or not, just a jokingly possibility, or so I took it that way at first.
Right after things were clarified, whether she likes it or not or agrees or not, everything was COOL then, like always.
I won't lie though, it's shit like this that gives me thoughts of getting the fuck out and moving out, going all the way back home just so I don't have to deal with this BS.
While I'm on the topic of BS, apparently Tianna's mom bitches her out cuz she makes so much money and doesn't know how to properly budget her money based on the shit she pays for, and gripes to her about her AND me, haha, but she never comes and tells me to my face...if I thought eating food was a problem to her, well I'd never eat anything that she herself offers me, so what the fuck? I don't even eat much for one, and it's other little spending things that Tianna does as well...and she supposedly gets on Tianna's case about ME finding a new job, even though I'm still paying her the agreed rent, I don't see aside from that how anything is her fucking business. It all sucks though, the whole situation depresses, those two mixed things have been giving me a huge thought on moving back to the downward spiral of the old ghetto place and it's still in my mind if she continues. It all sucks. Fuck it. Oh, but supposedly Tianna's mama doesn't mean those things, she's just stressed/doesn't agree with my life style of living for now instead of doing what she did, bust ass your whole life and profit in the end when you're like 40, the fuck out of here, I'd might as well shoot myself now and save myself the time.

Moving along, so Chadd told me his job is hiring and he's gonna refer me and that I need to put in an App. So I did that just that one fine day when I met up with Chadd, picked 'em up and we chilled at my place with Tianna. We all went for a walk around the block cuz Chadd felt like taggin' up the burbs, pointing out people having fun and shit at the park and how that's strange for us to see people being that way, haha. After talking story whilst playing games whilst Chadd working on art, ate some dinner and dropped 'em off at the bus stop as requested. Here's a piece he did of my name Systom:

Plans to finish it some time in the future, colors and etc. Yeah, trippy shit 'eh? I can still barely make it out.
UPDATE: Looks like the positions have been filled with people relocating from another center, fuck.

So despite the good and the bad that I just talked about, there was a pretty eventful chill day yesterday. My youngest sister Kelcie is moving to California with her boyfriend, the one she met on the internet. He's flew down here to Hawaii before for a week or two or some shit, I don't recall, I didn't meet the guy. Everyone's against my sister going cuz she's a newbie to relationships for one, and is young and the whole moving in with somebody thing and dealing with all of that and first time being away from family and so far away and etc etc etc, the list just goes on and on. Not even I agree with it, but I'm not a total bitch about it to be just thinking the negatives, wow, right, Tom saying this, wow. So I shared my thoughts to her about what I thought and how I disagreed with it cuz it's just too sudden for my liking, but it doesn't mean it can't work for them, I don't know the dude but apparently he's a nerd, so I see no worries there...BUT OH NO, YOU NEVER KNOW, HE COULD BE ABUSIVE AND ETC, yeah, he could be, her choice, live and learn, or die and learn, or just never live at all without ever learning, or even worse, lets wrap condoms on everything and make everything dull based on our own experiences and push it unto others. It's about being aware of possibilities people, being aware is enough unless you're a fucking idiot, which I know my sister ain't. Besides, she'll be like an hour away from our other sister, Jeanne, whom lives in Cali as well. (I totally went off track about the chill day)
Back on topic, the chill day was for my sisters going away party BBQ type of thing. It was over at my ma's place, like a pot luck, everyone brings their own food or makes their own food there. The usual family peeps showed up, I recall eating a couple of times while mostly working on Alfredo's ancient old ass iPod in which I didn't even think of was fixable...but after hours of trying different methods, I was able to restore it and actually kept it alive to work, but for how long, I dunno. Also hooked my mom up with Dexter Season 3 Episode One. My cousin, or Alfredo's brother, Alexander, or better known as Zander returned to Hawaii from Texas with his wife and kids, so it was good seeing them as well--we had seen them earlier that week on a beach venture that Tianna and I went on last week, also at my mom's place. My sister Kristie showed up, along with my twin Sister later on after she got out of work, though my mom had her kids way beforehand...kids, man, this is a fine example of why I'd never fucking have kids, rofl, kids were all over and constantly with their noises, god damn kids. I also recall watching my dad and my uncle Steve trying to unlock his door cuz he locked his keys in the car when he dropped something and went to pick it up and pulled the switch-a-roo with the item and the keys. My dad eventually got it though, always been good at stuff like that.


^Tianna blinded Jayslin while she was making some important transactions, what a bitch. My stupid face including Jayden's crying face, see, he likes to be a badboy but the game is no longer fun when he can't control it, so I woe with him as we wrastle. Yes, that's my hairy upper thigh.

So everyone eventually disbanded, my Uncle Jason said they were still gonna party and drink it up at his place, along with Zander & company and Alfredo and his girlfriend Eva. I'm not one to usually kick it with all the family, but I decided to go, why not, it's been a while since I hung out with any of them, well, Alfredo is the only one whom I actually "hang out" with, but yeah. So Tianna and I went there after everyone left, packed up some of the mixed delicious foods that there was as always. We sat around while everyone drank, except for us, and just talking loudly and being drunk stupid people while listening to music, or at one point, watching UFC knock out matches or stand up comedy by Katt Williams. My aunt Heather peeped out and asked if we wanted to get stooooned so I was like fuck it, sure, and we got stooooned. She said she'd smoke me out cuz I always smoke them out or hook them up for free at our little gatherings. So we rounded up a few bowls between her, me, tianna, and my uncle jason came in for one hit, and Zander wanted to smoke but he can't for whatever reason's, it was funny when he stuck his head in the door and started sucking at the air cuz he could smell it, haha. It wasn't too late yet but, Jason had passed out with his kids in the other room, I was getting hungry and really needed a shower, so we left. Got home, ate, showered, sexed it out stoned, oh how I miss that.
The end, for now.



Are they tryin' to work you on the strip? Yeah, better tell 'em you ain't doing it. Don't let 'em treat you like you shit. Yeah, better tell 'em you ain't taking it. Are they trying to get you to do them drugs? Yeah, better tell 'em you ain't tryin' it. Are they tryin' to kick you while you're down? Yeah, better tell 'em you ain't having it.
I know a young girl, she look real nice, she seems OK but got a fucked up life, her real name Tiff, the streets call her Honey, you can catch her on the block posted up, getting money. I ain't talking about drugs, I'm talking about sex, she's up every night, she never gets any rest. She got two kids, she only 19, she dropped out of school and gave up on her dreams. She was a bad kid, her parents kicked her out cuz she started doing drugs, it was never in the house. She used to cut class, now she cut coke, she puts it in her pot and let it steamin' and she smokes. Her kids are neglected, they don't even eat, they don't got clothes, no shoe's on their feet, their life's full of pain, it's hard for them to sleep. Mom didn't raise 'em, they was raised by the street.
I got some bad news, it was one of Honey's kids, there was a shoot out, he caught one in the ribs. His little brother cried, never thought he'd see the day that his old brother Jay would get hit by a stray. No money for a funeral, no money for a coffin, they tried to find the shooter but the witness wasn't talkin'. Honey's heart was broken, she took it as a sign that life's too short and she's running out of time. She needs to make moves cuz it's getting out of hand, she needs to buy a nice house, put down a couple grand, she wanna go to a nice place, somewhere in the burbs, somewhere where the bodies aren't outlined on the curbs. See, every day's a struggle, every day there's pain, it's never too late, there's always time for a change. She wanted somethin' better, I see it in her eye's; there's a million ways to live, but in the end, we all die.

-Kol/You Aint Havin It

^Props to PLEX aka Kol for that song, I really dig it, check 'em out http://www.myspace.com/bigkol to hear the song.