tom

I have arrived, and this time, you should believe the hype. I listened to everyone, now I know that everyone was right. I'll be there for you as long as it works for me. I played a game, it's called "INSINCERITY."

Can't keep away from the girl, these two sides of my brain need to have a meeting, can't think of anything to do, yeah, my left brain knows that our love is fleeting. She's just lookin' for somethin' new, yeah, I said it once before, but it bears repeating now.

when you were real.

She's mostly gone some other place, I'm getting by in other ways.
Everything they whisper in our ear is coming true.
Try to justify the things I used to do, believe in you.
Watching you drown, I'll follow you down, I am here right beside you.
The lights in the sky have finally arrived, I am staying right beside you.
I'm trying to stay awake just in case, I've come to realize we all have our place.
Time, time has a way, you know, to make it clear.
And I have my role in this, I can't disappear, or leave you here.
Watching you drown, I'll follow you down, and I am here right beside you.
The lights in the sky are waving goodbye, and I am staying right here beside you.

11-13-12

I have not written a thing in such a long time. I mean to really write, not just a picture post in livejournal of some sort.

But I think it's time, I used to love to write, it was a great way to express myself since I'm not very good at doing it. It was a great way to vent, to air out the crazy thoughts in my head. I'm pondering if I should just start writing in a notepad as someone anonymous with the possibility of using a website since it's easier to store and use that way? I'm not sure. Though if I did that, my writing would be hindered by the blatant fact that I've always wrote truly from myself, very detailed, very descriptive, no anonymity, because none of it should really matter to anyone else but myself. I guess perhaps for now, this notepad will have to do, but I'll see about setting up a wordpress with a .com in the near future, I just like the layout capabilities and storage and etc a while lot better than this, I've just now realized.

I've used livejournal.com for so many years before I finally lost my will to write due to events I won't get too much into...it sucked parting ways with something I've done for so long, and it did help.

But now, here I am, airing it out in my times of necessary need, like old times. I am now 29 years old as of October, 2012. I never thought time would move so quickly, it seems like it was only yesterday when I was a teenager, but before you know it, you get busy, you live life, you're getting old.

I've done a lot of wrongs in my life, but where I stand now, I don't care much to be that way anymore.
For a long time, I shut out the magical(illusory?) words known as LOVE. I hated it, somewhere along the lines of my childhood experiences, salted anything positive. Yet here I stand, or sit in my bed at the moment, not afraid to admit that I am truly in love with someone. Her brown/dirty blonde straight hair, so smooth the way she prepares it, lusting feelings to rub my hands and face through it, the smell, her smell, it comforts me. Her pale skin in the descriptive manner that I could use every white delicious food product to describe, but it'd be nothing new over the years. My porkhash, my manapua, my white bread, my french fry, vanilla, icecream, lingering thoughts to lick her whole body up and down, or maybe I'm just hungry? being 7:18 in the morning, having woke earlier than usual for God knows what reasons--problems with sleeping, I've always had. Her blue eyes, so frail, I can see, but strengthened over the years, growing, thriving, all of her looks, when sad, when angry, even when happy, they all drive me crazy, crazy to the point that we've stabbed each other so many times yet we're still here, it has to mean something. Her insecurities, I wanna tie her to a bed and hypnotize her for days that it's untrue, that she's perfectly fine in some ways that she dreads, her looks, yet she dresses herself so well every morning. I pretend to not pay much attention, but I do, is it wrong of me? Well, being at the current state we're in, I guess it's fine for now...I used to love her highschool looks, and hell, I still do, but I love her professional look just as much. How she's grown, I am proud of her, and I was wrong in many ways. It's been maybe a month or a few weeks since I've started to see everything so clearly after so many years, perhaps I don't deserve any of this.

We seemingly go in circles, in patterns, but I question if they really are that or not, do we age with each experience? With every new HATE? I want the hate to stop, I want no more of it, I don't expect perfection, but I want peace in my life, solid peace for years to come until I leave this place. I could give my all to this person in return for that, no problem. But only time will tell, I need to be patient, I need to do my best to control myself, and I'll admit that's never been a strong side of me, hell, I would never even allow what I'm trying to do because I know how hard it is...but for her, I'm trying, I'm doing, I'm tough, I can do this, I imagine myself storming a castle outnumbered, taking arrows to my body, the pain, but still marching on to the bitter end, you're gonna have to cut my head off and chop my bodies up in pieces to stop me.

The future is ours, let us embrace it, but until then, I'm your best friend, I'd do anything to keep that smile on your face.

I hope this writing can continue, it's been so long. I'll think about a domain.

"I wanna love you when you're happy, I wanna be there when you're sad."


You're just too good to be true, can't keep my eyes off you.
You feel like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived and I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare, there's nothing else to compare.
The thought of you makes me weak, There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
well then let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright, I need you, baby,
To warm the lonely nights.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray. Oh pretty baby,
Now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.

You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you.
You feel like heaven to touch.
Oh I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off of you.

I love you baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm the lonely nights.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh pretty baby,
Now that I found you stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you...


11/15/12

Down this road we go, down this road we go, where no one seems to know, except time, time'll see, time'll reveal this demon in me.
Oh what a fool she is, oh what a fool I am, for I am me, and she is she, and I understand, I understand.
The confused, the questioning, the never ending torment of one's mind. Uncertainty. Change. Inevitable.
These are things I understand so well...yet I have no room for anymore. The girl I love is trapped in her own personal conundrum.
And I'm to blame, and she's to blame, we're all to blame, blame blame blame, gets us nowhere.
I'm tired of not moving, I'm tired of moving and the ground keeps sliding from underneath.
I long for something real, yet there's nothing I can do to change that. Nothing.
All I'm to do is wait and see, try and me, while she floats and glee.
She says I'm too close in her personal zone, I shrug it off and flee. Hurt, but no one ever said this would be easy.
I'll continue to walk this road of uncertainty, for it's the last path that I can see.
A downward spiral or a straight line, a circle shall no longer be, I guess I'm going through changes.

We had a talk, a serious talk. Was it a good talk? I think it was, one way or the other. I'm not shocked by the things she had to say at all, but more understanding than anything. Defiant, questioning? Of course, but understood nonetheless. I don't blame her, I really can't, though she has a point, and the point is of the trigger. Could it have killed her enough? Disturbing, she spoke, and this is why I can't blame her for feeling that way. Though my belief overrides that with who cares what makes someone a better person, really? I don't, if it's in a positive manner...this world is built on fucked up things, she, as well as I, should know this best...why condemn when you can blossom? But she questions if it's something she even wants anymore...and that's fine. Take your time, darlin', day by day, you'll figure it out eventually, I'll respect your decision in the end, but I'm afraid I'll have to retreat to save the last of me if it's not with me.

I used to think that my life would be over just because I've come to this point...that this is it, do parts of me still believe this? Sure, or maybe I'm not so sure anymore. My head is screwed on, and I'm realizing other things in a more positive out take...I mean what's the point in living a doom gloom unhappy life, anyway? There is none. It's a comfort zone, a safety zone that doesn't really solve anything.



I know you've suffered, but I don't want you to hide.
It's cold and loveless, I won't let you be denied.
Soothing, I'll make you feel pure.
Trust me, you can be sure.

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart.
I want to recognise your beauty's, not just the mask.
I want to exorcise the demons from your past.
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart.

You trick your lovers, that you're wicked and divine.
You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine.

And please me, show me how it's done.
Tease me, you are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

-Muse/Undisclosed Desires


11/19/12

I don't know anymore...I really don't know. I can't be a part of her destruction...whether she see's it or not, her decision making for whatever reasons are so very poor...I can't be a part of it anymore...I've tried and tried and tried...I don't understand how her mind works...if US is important at all, shouldn't it be telling her something? don't put yourself in stupid situations? DON'T DO THAT? Especially when things have been going so good? why salt something good when you should be working on yourself, and US? Why do people that supposedly don't matter at all, matter? What is she trying to understand or looking for given the terrible circumstances? Doesn't she know? I question these things...but none of it matters, and there's nothing that I can do. I share an opinion as a friend, some advice, and it falls on deaf ears...she just wants to keep doing what she thinks or feels is right and it's always just a further spiral downward...and it just pushes me further and further away. I can't be pulled down with her anymore...she'll bury herself alone, she'll know what she had when it's gone...and I won't be there for her anymore. She really doesn't see, understand, or care of how she pushes me away and shuts me out while she goes about her own thing...I think it's time I moved on since it's clear to me now that I'm not held very highly at all...there is no other explanation of why she does the things she does. She says this, says that, but her actions point to something completely different...I can't take anymore confusion, pain, uncertainty, not knowing, pick me up, put me down, pick me up, put me down. All I wanted in the end was her...but I think I'm too late...I tried, I damn well tried, I gave it my all in the end, exhausted every option...it's a shame it had to come down to this.

And she firmly believes that I'm just some crazy who thinks too much...not that I deny that at all, yet I keep finding out her dirty little secrets, yet I still catch her being sneaky, yet as jokingly as somethings are that she speaks of, they're actually very true and her actions prove them to be. Yeah, I'm the crazy head thinker...I get this way for absolutely no fucking reason at all...if she didn't find reasons or give me reasons, there'd be absolute peace...just like last week, like the weekend...but I should've known that wouldn't last...I should've known she would strike again. If she can't understand why talking to this douchebag that straight up used her like a whore because she's an easy target is a bad idea, let alone hanging out with him when his agenda is very clear...especially with what's on the line and where her head should be but clearly isn't...then she really is lost, she really is a fool, there is no justifying that at all. I'm tired of being collateral, I'm tired of watching...the hardest thing I'll ever have to do is turn my head and walk away.

People don't change over night, and I'm tired of being a crash dummie...then again, people can't change things about themselves that they aren't aware of...forever lost in their own personal hell, looping the same training videos in their mind over and over, what we know and do best. The chains need to be broken, I can't be a part of her destruction, I can't even watch it anymore...she needs help, I wish she could see and accept that...I never wish.

I need to get ahold of myself before this kills me, running in circles, chasing our own tails, I need my life back. Once I have that back, I'll take things slowly...I'll find my HER someday, somewhere out there, and I'll give her everything that tianna couldn't see in the end...couldn't quite put together.
I used to think that there was nothing out there for me...and maybe there isn't. My head was always screwed on in every fucked up way possible...but I see now, I won't give up, I won't let myself die, I'll keep going on, I'll keep trying. These experiences...this pain...I'll apply it into something positive, I'll use it to grow stronger, become a better person, become more adult, and in time, meet someone who's equally level headed and knows exactly what they want. No more bullshit, I don't need that stuff in my life anymore...perfection? Not likely, but I'll settle for something like it.

A man can dream, as real as one's belief, as real as one's reality that we create, we can live a dream.

I love her so much...but she won't know.
I need to do me, I need to do me, I need to do me, I need to take care of me.
She lost me...she really did lose me...

Definitely down, almost out.

LATER THAT NIGHT:
P.S. tonight was fun, cleared my head, was actually able to eat something--getting high together, walking around, bar--maybe see her again soon.


Come up to meet you, tell ya I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely ya are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions, oh, let's go back to the start.
Runnin' in circles, coming up tails, heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures, pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress did not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, oh, what a rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, chasing our tails, coming back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy, oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm going back to the start.


11/23/12

Dear Tianna,

I'm sorry.

I'm so fucking sorry that I ever hurt you in any fucking way.

[Come up to meet you, tell ya I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely ya are.]

As I sit here, near midnight, bawling my fucking eyes out like an emotional teenaged girl not getting her way--hilarious, really.

But I can't deny.

Why?

I grabbed your phone.

I had one thing on my mind, I just wanted to view your image gallery. (nothing of any insecurity, I was just curious.)

So I did...

And just, ME. I mean, why? It's as if I don't get it, as if it's a shock to me.

[I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.]

Why else would you keep the shit saved there and all and always for what seems like forever as well in the past?

And I couldn't help but cry my fucking eyes for like a half hour now.

(it's not as if I just came to terms with this either, just...I dunno, I'm still bleeding out that blood I guess, it still hurts me.)

I fucked up things pretty badly in my own ways, not trying to dig up anything of the past or anything, but shit man, I wanna shoot myself for having ever let you down.

My insides twist, I feel terrible for not seeing/understanding sooner, fuck, man.

I strayed so far in the dark, it's like the only thing I've ever known for so many years...it's no excuse.

But I'm out now...I'm out now. I'll NEVER let you down again, ever.

[Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions, and oh, let's go back to the start.]

If you give me that chance...

This could be an opportunity...if you promise to let it grow.
'Cause you're the one I love.
(When I caught you there, crying in the night, wearing my jacket, wearing that smile, I knew that I'd found you.)
'Cause you're the one I love...'cause you're the one I love.


11/25/12<

"Wednesday The Third"

In a strange turn of events despite my day of the 19th post, let alone the puzzled confusion of the post on the 23rd.

On the early morning of the 20th, it must've been around 5am when I was awoken. I had passed out fully dressed as I was super exhausted with finally eating something and having great company along with everything I've been going through and dealing with what seems like the past month or two.

It was Tianna waking me up, robed up, my night Goddess, my night demon, there she was, ready to bite, ready to kill, ready to take me far far away from this place. My tired imagination in a daze, she speaks the words to me; "Can I lay with you?" as I'm sleeping in the living room on the floor, now fully undressed as I had briefly woken up sometime during the middle of the night to use the bathroom, disoriented, not fully making sense of things, but I also noticed Tianna was home safely, having seen her bag and the bedroom door being closed. It's like no matter what she does to me, no matter how bad, no matter how vindictive, I can't turn away. I get upset, sure, hell, I may even get to the point where I'll never talk to her again...but when it comes to her well being/safety of the extremes of being harmed in any serious way...I don't know if I could ever let go of that with her, I swear I'd butcher anyone who brings her danger no matter what. I've wandered.

After hearing her speak, I stare at her briefly in a daze in confusion...having thought I had made myself very clear with what her decisions will get her in text messages earlier that night, that she can't just be a cowboy anymore and do whatever the fuck she wants without a care of who or what she destroys in it's path along with it's repercussions. I won't stand for the bullshit anymore, I told myself, I won't be that collateral damage anymore, I told myself, my foot was out the door, I told myself. Maybe I was tired? I almost muttered the words; "Go back to bed." and at the split second of saying so, instead, I opened up my blanket for her, and she got into our blanket burrito, it's what we call it, our shared idiosyncrasies. I koala'd her, a type of cuddle, I guess similar to spooning that's once again special between her and I. Despite everything, here we are, two crazys in a pod, while my thoughts are floating, I wanna choke her to death, but I can't deny how good it feels. Lock & Key.

We talked briefly while laying with one another, my head isn't too clear on about what at the moment, probably how we felt about the situation and what had happened...a little about our night out with another person. But none of that really mattered to me, she assured me that nothing went on with her situation but a few drinks and talk and I honestly heavily questioned it, but it really doesn't matter anymore. From this point on, she's gonna do whatever she wants to do no matter what and I've made it clear to her that I won't stick around anymore, while in my opinion, she makes terrible decisions. Meaning I've had it, anymore sneakiness or any type of bullshit that I get wind of, I'm done. You're either gonna try FOR REAL with ME and US without any other distractions on your mind or you can fuck off and do whatever you want, as I won't stick around for it.

So we had plans in place set back by about a month. We took off on the same days this past week because her dad, wife, and kid was coming to town from California. It's been so iffy if we'd even be doing any of these things anymore along with Thanksgiving thanks to all of the stupid bullshit. But she told me she still wanted me to be there through all of it, and I agreed. She was super hesitant and probably didn't wanna do the Thanksgiving thing because of what she thinks with what my mom would think 'cause she knows my mom knows everything. She doesn't quite understand that my mom has been in her shoes before, and if not directly in her shoes, she's had friends in her time that made similar decisions and it actually hurt her more than anything to see that Tianna is going down these similar paths...I don't think she fully realizes that she is family, that my mom does care for her just as well, that it's not just about ME, TOM, though of course my mom's ultimate advice was that I should get out of it and let go...and that things could only truly work if and when Tianna realizes some of her problems and decides she wants to change for the better...that therapy was highly necessary, something I never believed in but even still was willing to give a shot with 'cause I'd do just about anything to make it work. Tianna wouldn't have that at all though, so sure, so afraid. I had planned and setup something with my mom, that she should try to talk to Tianna on Thanksgiving day, and she was going to do it, but it never happened. I'm not too sure why, maybe the rain? the time, didn't stay long enough? I've yet to talk to her about it. It's not like my mom was going to lecture her or anything, honestly, I have no idea what my mom would have talked to her about, I just asked if she would be willing to do it from a strong female figure who's been through hell and back, someone who can understand, someone who can possibly help. Wandered.

The week flew by, vacation time is about over, tomorrow, it's back to work, back to normalcy. I wonder what we are, what we've become considering the past week has been pretty great...not the best in what we'd like to be doing, but still fun I think. I feel Tianna a lot more, I feel that she's actually there, I feel like there is a real US, that we're actually connected. But I can't help but keep my shield raised, I still feel some uncertainty of which I don't like, but I don't have much of a choice in the situation, not just yet anyway. The official words will help a lot, when she does decide to put a label on the whole thing, that we're actually together, boyfriend and girlfriend, committed, it's something I want for sure. But beyond that, I know it'll take more time, but what's more important, I wanna feel it fully. I wanna feel absolutely secure, I wanna feel whole, I want her to feel secure, to feel whole, that we're one, that no worry nor pain or anything is necessary for us anymore, that we've grown beyond everything unto anew. Once again, perfection? No. But imperfected perfection, that I can live with, that I can accept.

Wednesday came, we picked up her daddy/wife/kid at the airport, I was a little bit nervous considering I've only ever briefly met her dad before...but we've talked on the phone a few times prior to his arrival. We seem to have some sorta ass dialing one another connection, I can't really explain it, but whatever, haha. Brian & Olga, and their 2 year old son Alexander, Tianna's half brother, or in my own terms, her little brother. Car was a tight fit, but we managed, I was the driver, or the chauffeur. Took them back to the Hilton Hawaiian Village where Tianna works, which is pretty much what it is; a mini fuckin' village. Hotel room was very nice, amazing view. We hung out there all together and ordered dinner from downstairs which was expensive as hell but pretty good as well. Getting to know them more and playing with Alexander. I'll never understand what charm it is that I have over kids, but it never seems to fail, kids just love me for some reason--by the end of the night, he was already climbing all over me and laying with Tianna and I. Cute kid.


11/28/12

"Most hearts make terrible sounds, so I laugh, laugh, LAUGH, LAUGH!"
"In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum."


You're so impossible, scream and moan, it chills my soul.
Don't wanna hear you got left behind, all those times you stayed up and cried.
It's no lie, you did it to yourself, like chewed up gum under my shelf.
Don't look surprised, you must have known all along.

It's just another love song, another love song.

It's never easy, it's not hard when you've lost your mind.
With you, it's sleezy, don't tell me your worries, I'm sick, I'll leave you blind.
Now the time has come to leave this love that's left you dry.
No need to work this out now, 'cause you know there's no reason why.

It's just another love song, another love song.
Another love song, it's just another love song.

I never told you it would last forever.
You can't hold this boy for long, dear.
By the time you read my letter, baby, I'll be gone.

You're just another love song, another love song.
Another love song, you're just another love song.
You're just another love song, another love song.
Another love song, you're just another love song.

-Queens of The Stone Age/Another Love Song

Too late for the other side, caught in a chase, 25 to life.
Too late for the other side, caught in a chase, 25 to life.
Yeah, too late, I can't keep chasing you, taking my life back.
Caught in a chase, 25 to life.

I don't think she understands the sacrifices that I've made, maybe if this bitch had acted right, I would've stayed, but I've already wasted over half my life, I would've laid down and died for you, I no longer cry for you, no more pain, bitch, you took me for granted, took my heart and ran it straight into the planet, into the dirt, I can no longer stand it. Now my respect, I demand it, I'ma take control of this relationship, command it, and I'ma be the boss of you now, goddamnit, and what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me, so you better hear me out, this much you owe me, I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while I've stayed, faithful all the way, this is how I fuckin' get repaid? Look at how I dress, fuckin' baggy sweats, go to work a mess, always in a rush to get back to you, I ain't heard you yet not even once say you appreciate me, I deserve respect. I've done my best to give you nothin' less than perfectness and I know that if I end this, I'll no longer have nothin' left, but you keep treatin' me like a staircase, it's time to fuckin' step. And I won't be comin' back, so don't hold your fuckin' breath, you know what you've done, no need to go in depth. I told you you'd be sorry if I fuckin' left, I'd laugh while you wept, hows it feel now, yeah, funny, ain't it? You neglected me. Did me a favor though, my spirit free, you've set, but a special place for you in my heart I have kept, it's unfortunate but it's;

Too late for the other side, yeah, caught in a chase, 25 to life, can't take no more.
Too late for the other side, caught in a chase, 25 to life.

I feel like when I bend over backwards for you, all you do is laugh 'cause that ain't good enough, you expect me to fold myself in half 'til I snap. Don't think I'm loyal? All I do is rap, how can I moonlight on the side, I have no life outside of that. Don't I give you enough of my time, you don't think so, do you? Jealous when I spend time with the girls, why I'm married to you still, man, I dunno, but tonight, I'm serving you with papers, I'm divorcing you, go marry someone else and make 'em famous and take away their freedom like you did to me, treat 'em like you don't need 'em and they ain't worthy of you. Feed 'em the same shit you made me eat, I'm moving on, forget you, OH, now I'm special? I ain't feel special when I was with you, all I ever felt was this helplessness, imprisoned by a selfish bitch, chew me up and spit me out, I fell for this so many times, it's ridiculous and still I stick with this, I'm sick of this, but in my sickness and addiction, you're as addictive as they get, evil as they come, vindictive as they make 'em. My friends keep askin' me why I can't just walk away from--I'm addicted to the pain, the stress, the drama, I'm drawn in, so I guess I'ma mess, cursed and blessed, but this time, I ain't changing my mind, I'm climbin' out this abyss. You're screaming as I walk out that I'll be missed, but when you spoke to people who meant the most to you, you left me off your list--fuck you hiphop, I'm leaving you, my life sentence is served bitch, and it's just;

Too late for the other side, caught in a chase, 25 to life, too long man.
Too late for the other side, caught in a chase, 25 to life.
Too late...caught in a chase, 25 to life.

I was still there, just not in the way you wanted.

2-23-13, Saturday
The last day we were truly together.
The last way and only way I'd like to remember her.
Early birthday dinner, the way she looked so happy sitting across the table from me.
At least I could get one thing right.

2-24-13, Sunday
Not much hope, I wait, I watch, I wither.
I'm let down.

2-25-13, Monday
There, but I'm not there.
I'm let down.

2-26-13
Adrift, somewhere far far away.
Not unreachable, but I slip in between the cracks of life and death.
I'm let down.

2-27-13
I let out my last string of hope, I say things I already said too many times that needs not a repeat.
I do it anyway because I have to try.
For the last time, I try...and for the last time, I'm let down.
That's the last time I feel rejection from her.
I don't think she realizes that when she threw that trash away, I was amongst it.
A piece of trash, not worth her time.
She is not the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with anymore.
I don't hate her, I love her, but I can't be with her anymore.
When I look at her, I just see someone I used to know.
No attraction, no desire, just someone I used to know.
Tonight, it ends.